To R.S.V.P. or Not to R.S.V.P.

More than ever I hear friends and colleagues complaining about people not responding to their personal invitations sent for an event they are having . All too often whether the invitation is to a small baby shower or a big charitable fundraiser, the consensus seems to be that people in general have forgotten common courtesy and the inclination to respond in a timely manner.

Perhaps it is time that we lay down a few ground rules for proper RSVPing to avoid people getting hurt, offended or feel disrespected because the invitee did not respond.

1. Keep track of your invitations. Once you receive an invitation, you should RSVP within 24-48 hours of its receipt. This helps to avoid any problems that may arise if another invitation for the same date and time arrives in the mail days later. Even if you take a little more time with your decision, proper etiquette dictates that you are supposed to RSVP to the first invitation that arrives and decline the subsequent. Once you have accepted the invitation, enter the date on a master calendar and then post a hard copy somewhere prominent to remind you of your upcoming engagement.
2. Split your time wisely. Although you are only obligated to attend the first invitation you receive, you may feel obliged to RSVP to more than one engagement for the same date and time. If that is the situation, you should be respectful and split your time wisely to ensure you do not offend the invitees who probably wish they had you committed for their event. If you are planning on splitting your time, let the invitee know and that you will make an effort to attend the party and be present to enjoy the entertainment.
3. Electronic invites. As we become a society driven by technology, electronic invites through websites such as Evite.com have become more and more popular. With electronic invites a host is able to see who has opened your invitation, but did not respond. Think twice before publishing your invite list for all to see if you are concerned that some may base their decision on who else is coming. These same recipients may wait until the last minute to see if anyone changed their mind before making a decision to attend. An advantage to Evites is they send out automatic reminders to those who may have forgotten to RSVP making it easy for them to accept the invitation or change their mind last minute and usually without confrontation. Although they are not a physical form of an invitation, they are just as real and demand the courtesy of a proper response.
4. Make sure you have a good excuse! If you are unable to RSVP positively to an event, that is perfectly fine, as long as you have a decent and thoughtful excuse. How you deliver your excuse and the words you choose to express yourself can make all the difference. This point comes particularly into play with electronic invitations where recipients can view everyone's responses and may make certain judgments based on their tone.
5. Closest friends may be the worst offenders. We all tend to assume that the first people to respond would be those closest to you. However, this is not usually the case and these people tend to take your relationship for granted never thinking that there may be a social price to pay for not RSVPing. If you are one of these friends, take note and curtail this behavior in the future because if you can't count on your friends, who can you count on?